On the Road again...

Tomorrow we are off to Whistler, BC for 10 days or so. Looking forward to family, not having to do EVERYTHING, cross country skiing, reading and the atmosphere of the resort town. Don't have a dime to spend, but there's plenty of fun to be had. hoping they have free ice skating in the village, that was so much fun with Juliana last year. I'm looking forward to some alone time be it skiing, walking or just relaxing. The kids are sure to be entertained by Grandma and Grandpa a lot of the time and Juliana will spend some time in ski school. Maybe I even get some time with my husband? To be honest until today I was not at all in the mood to travel. As wonderful as it is, sometimes it's nice to just revel in your regular routine. I am happy with how things are running for the most part. There's little I want for.. maybe a dishwasher, or a chiropractor visit, but not much else. Life is good. Today is going to be super busy, washing, packing etc. Trying to think of everything I need to bring. The usual.

Eating wise, my Birthday and the days following as well as yesterday have left it's toll. I'm up a couple of pounds again, but nothing too crazy. I had friends over and made a tempura/sushi dinner last night and it was delicious. So nice to have friends around to spend time with. I'm hoping that on this trip I will find a good balance of eating healthy, exercising and enjoying some much needed peace and quiet.

A Wonderful Birthday

First off, I want to Thank everyone for making my Birthday as special as it was - one of the best Birthdays I have every had, because of the people in my life, true friends and family. It was a three day extravaganza of celebration... ok, that sounds a bit more grand then it was, but it was a pretty damn sweet weekend!


Friday the 18th, my Birthday - I spent the day with my kids. Juliana had PD day, so there was no school and we did fun stuff. The kids made me gifts, a lovely necklace from Juliana and a bracelet from Jacob. I'd been saving those beads for a day like this to give them something meaningful to do and it payed off. :) They are actually very nice.

My dear husband also surprised me with April tickets to Leonard Cohen and so fulfilling a wish I have had for many years. AND I received delivery of these beautiful flowers! I don't get flowers more then once or twice a year, so this was special :).

 

 Later on in the day I baked a little cake for my kids to decorate for me and they did a great job.

 

I spent most of the day shopping for supplies and working in the kitchen in preparation for a Tupperware party I had the evening of my Birthday and I did some pre-cooking for my birthday party on Saturday starting with making chicken stock from scratch which conveniently doubled as supper for my kids. I was sooo excited for my party and I was not disappointed by myself or my wonderful friends. Only one couldn't make it due to being ill, but we had a great crowd none-the-less. 

Saturday: I started right after dropping Juliana off at German school, cooking and chopping :). When I picked her up at noon I crossed my fingers that I would find a good dress to wear for my 1900s themed party at goodwill. I found one I adore :) 

It has a little fringe just under the chest and it's very cute. I enjoyed my evening in this dress, which is what counts. Here's the table decor I set up for the evening. I wanted it to be elegant, just perfectly beautiful. A fine occasion such as only few of us ever get to prepare for ~ A fancy ladies' dinner party. 

It was a "Death by Chocolate" murder mystery party, which not only was great fun, but got everyone talking to each other, because quite a few of my lovely guests didn't know each other. I spent all day cooking and preparing and it totally paid off. The food was great, for the most part, although I have to admit chocolate 'everything' is a matter of taste, but everyone was wonderful about it. :) True Ladies in deed. 

The Menu was this:

Starter 

A Savoury Chocolate Hazelnut Soup with Goat cheese and Arugula

Wine ~ Open Riesling - Gewurztraminer

Main

Thyme Chicken Meatballs with Savoury Chocolate Mole Sauce

Braised Coffee Chocolate Short Ribs

Wine ~ Union Pinot Noir - Cabernet - Merlot

Sides

Piped Mashed Potatoes

Roasted Squash

Romain Salad in a Cocoa Balsamic Vinaigrette

Dessert 

Red Wine Poached Pear with White Chocolate Sauce

Matcha Opera Cake

Mini Baked Alaska on Black Bean Brownie with Hazelnut Gelato

Wine ~ Henkell Rose Sect (Sparkling Wine)

For recipes visit my Birthday Menu Pinterest Board. I pinned a lot of ideas, so you'll have to find the ones I actually implemented. I had even bigger plans, but I had to scratch a few items from the menu due to labour and time constraints.

Thank you dear friends for coming and making this evening so special. It is wonderful to have friends with whom I can be 100% myself and who know me so well. To attest to this, each and every gift I received I absolutely LOVED. I admire each and every one of you, you all have qualities that I either aspire to or respect as your own unique expression.

Sunday: Thanks to a generous gift from my Mother and Father in law, my friend Ashley and I got up bright and early and drove to Toronto, enjoyed a wonderful, healthy brunch at a mall next to the AGO (Kensington Market?) and then visited the Frida Khalo and Diego Rivera exhibition at the AGO on it's last day. It was super crowded, but the art we saw was wonderful. I have always felt a connection to Khalo, even if her art is sometimes a bit strange. However, that is what made her a pioneer in the art world - she painted from her heart, no according to a style or inspired by another's work. She painted what she felt and her interpretations are deep, meaningful and not always pretty to look at. Symbolism is everywhere, however it is difficult to assign meaning and to begin to understand each piece at an exhibition this large and this crowded, as well when you have a limited time to see it. I am however very glad I went to see it. Not only was art work displayed, but the exhibition had many photographs and information about Frida and Diego's life together. What intrigues me most about Frida Khalo is her personality, her strength and vigor. This can not be separated from her art, she is her art and her art is her. It is a part of her. She is an inspiration for me as far as doing what she feels compelled to do within herself while being a very devoted, loving wife. Few people ever achieve a love so deep in a marriage, although theirs was far from perfect. Another artist who is a force all her own like Khalo is Emily Carr, whom I also admire as an artist - perhaps I will be her for next Halloween :). For now I am inspired, looking through my Frida Khalo book and very soon I will watch the movie of her life again, Frida, because it is a truly grand and honest portrayal. 

Wow, I miss art. 

I can't wait for my next soiree with my friends, which will be dinner and painting. Many of my friends have found solace in paint at one point or another in their life and like me, long to revisit the mollifying effect of applying smooth, gloppy paint onto flawless, fresh canvas like a clear spring morning after a night of rain. Ready for you to make it your own and own it!

Enough of this, I'm getting far to poetic and philosophical. LOL

Thank you all again. 

Love ya!

I am strong and able!

So, today my one of my BFFs made a rare post on fb (a couple of my friends are so firmly grounded in the real world, it's truly admirable!). It was about a challenge she's doing. I was intrigued, so I clicked on the link. It's called "the better you challenge" and it's more or less a new years resolution program, but you can do it anytime i guess. It consists of small manageable steps like creating a small mantra on day 2. What is nice about this challenge is that it's seems do-able for everyone. I can manage this! But, even if I don't stick with it, it's the idea. CHALLENGE yourself every day, don't stay within your comfort zone all day long. Try new things. Since it goes by days in January, I've progressed to day 11 in just a few short minutes, and this one really hits my point home! Here's the challenge:

Ask Tough Questions

1. Are you living life from (a) fear or (b) passion? 2. Are you playing life to (a) avoid losing or (b) to win? 3. Are your goals based on (a) preserving the status quo or (b) achieving growth? If you answered (a) to any of these, it's an indication that you're not moving forward in life. Remember, the only time your vital signs are completely stable are when you're dead; keep moving and challenging yourself to live the good life  [there's a space to answer on the site].

My dear friend Shenia recently sent me a blog post she came upon about savouring life. All of it. Here's the LINK. It is really a great read and an important subject in our fast paced, entertainment overloaded lives. How often have you treated yourself only to rush through it. I believe one of the keys to losing weight and learning to maintain a healthy weight is to really savour your food. For me, when I am in 'food frenzy' or 'binge mode', I stuff everything into me like I'm trying to stuff a hole, a draft or a leak with food. I feel out of control and out of touch with reality on all levels. We need to ground ourselves, become aware of our surroundings, and especially what we put into our bodies. Another way to feel more present is exercise - this is my big challenge for 2013!

My gift to myself for my birthday will be a membership to the Wellness Centre. I'm not 100% sure how the whole thing works, but the hot tub alone is convincing enough and worth the $25 a year.

What are you doing to challenge yourself this year, or right now? Share in the comments or a personal message.

Spring fever in January!

Today it's 15*C and raining, yesterday was warm too, but not as wet. I have an appetite for spring now, I wouldn't mind it at all. But, winter is scheduled to come back and that's fine with me too.

I am so excited for my Birthday this weekend. It's on Friday and there's no school and I'm probably going to have a Tupperware party that day as well. So in the afternoon I'll have a little 'party' with my kids. I'll give them a little cake to decorate by themselves to surprise me. Saturday I am hosting a dinner party with some girl friends and Sunday Family Birthday Cake & Coffee. Already went out for a Birthday Dinner with my love and had a gigantic Italian breaded chicken picante dinner - I didn't finish the chicken though and for a side I only had asparagus. Appetizer was grilled calamari (one of my fav things) and balsamic vinaigrette salad. But, I did have Tiramisu for dessert. And the waiter even put a candle on it - a first for me :). 

Ready my Birthday Dinner

On that note, with all that dessert coming my way, I'm at 105.5kg (232lbs), lost 1 lbs since last week. Since I am making all the desserts and cakes and dinners, I can control what goes in, so you can bet it's going to be damn healthy stuff. I'll share the menu afterwards, I don't want to spoil the surprise for my guests.  

I am just in the mood to celebrate my life - ever since I made the necessary changes just before the new year, I have felt very positive about the future, me, food, family etc. I just feel good. I catch myself smiling to myself for no reason instead of frowning and one of the most amazing changes that came out of changing ME is that my daughter is blossoming. She is still a little spitfire, but she is much more calm and happy and less aggressive. We both have our moments of failing, but as a whole our relationship and home life has been much more harmonious. Because I have limited TV the kids are playing together so much more and once TV time is over they don't think about it at all. No whining, no crying. They just accept it. 

Today I have spring fever - for a housewife that means I feel like cleaning. I already cleaned the bathroom and tidied up Jacob's room. Juliana's room is next although it's a little bit more of a challenge. She has more stuff and it's EVERYWHERE. She's just like I was as a kid... still am :/. 

I wanted to go to church, but I can't pass up feeling like cleaning! Last night I watched the movie "Machine Gun Preacher". It is a very unsettling, relevant and current movie, even if it takes place half a world away. Just puts our life into perspective. How fortunate we are and how frivolous and petty about everyday things. I just wanted to share because it's a movie that touched me for so many reasons. I went to school and got to know quite well a young man and his family who escaped from Southern Sudan and was fortunate enough to come to Canada. Also, at Notre Dame, when I was there, my peers and I created T-shirts etc. to raise awareness of this issue, which eventually faded away again. And finally, last years Kony 2012 awareness campaign which I think is important, because unlike North Korea etc. the issues in Northern Uganda and Southern Sudan are never in the news, because no one knows what to do about it and no one wants to get involved. So, the very least we can do is pray for those who are affected in any way. I kind of feel like I've already been to church. And, with my Birthday coming up, the problems I am facing seem so trivial, my fears and anxiety so laughable. Maybe that's why today I just feel like doing stuff I've been putting off. 

On that note, Carpe Diem my friends! Cease the day and make of it what you will, but don't waste your life away. 

... it's sunny out now. I think I'll clean a little more and then we'll head outside :)

Living Proactively

Here's a quick update. I started up again Dec 29th, tracking food and cleaning up my diet and from that point on it's been pretty easy. I only missed one day. I've lost 2kg. That might seem a lot, but a lot of it is water I think. My body was so toxic still from Germany, eating all those deli meats and cake :S. My weight now is 106 kg or 233 lbs. I feel good.

After getting my eating habits solidified, I decided to join the January fitness challenge on SP and actually do it today. Today I did a short cardio workout to get me started. I think when starting an exercise program people always dive in head first and then they are in over their head setting unrealistic goals and expectations. I can do a few minutes a day...for now. It was good to move and get my heart pumping and I noticed how out of shape I am. The hardest part was how fast my muscles ached. I didn't have any problem breathing. I am looking forward making this a daily thing, a little me time. And the work outs, for now, are short enough I can do them while the kids watch TV. My goal is to get through this months challenge and then establish a routine of my own that will take me further.

I learned some very important lessons in the last few months, and like important lessons, this one was learned the hard way. I finally learned that I do not have to be a glutton for punishment in order to be a good person (def. someone who is eager for a burden or some sort of difficulty; someone willing to accept a difficult task). As you all know I took in my friends little girl in October. Would I do it again? Maybe. But, if I did, I would handle the whole thing very differently from the beginning. Especially since I was already 100% sure that the friendship was going to end before I took on this task. The details of what would have been are not important, the point is I would not be such a pushover only to avoid upsetting someone.

I've realized that I do this with a lot of my life. While on the surface I am in control of a lot of things around here, when it comes to ME and my accountability, I let things get out of hand until they get overwhelming and then blame the circumstance. The real issue is that I am not 100% present, indecisive and a pushover. Out of politeness or need for acceptance I quietly agree or fail to speak up until i get to the point of boiling over. This is also something I do with my kids and have always done. I seem fine and suddenly I blow up. I calm down just as quick and I don't hold grudges, but my 'temper', which is really lack of pro-action, is something I need to work on. Who would have thought that the root of a lot of my problems lies in not speaking my mind... I guess it's the timing and delivery that makes the difference. I need to turn my whole life around from being passive in my daily life to not getting any exercise. But, easy does it, one step at a time!

I really feel like there isn't much that can throw me off this time around. I have learned a lot about myself since the last time I made some real progress, which was in 2011. Looking back I did it, but I felt like I was winging it and not just the exercise and eating part, but I was winging life. I, and we as a family, have a rhythm now, a routine and it works. Before there was always daycare kids and then there was my own personal issues, loneliness for me, and chaos for our family because I could not get past 'myself'. While I did always write about my family in my blog, I never considered that I had to make real changes to how things work around here and my parenting to change how I feel. There was always this sense of panic, anxiety and tension in the home because I failed to make rules for my kids and never stuck to the ones I did make (too passive). I have since learned that I can't make a rule and follow it one day and not the next depending on how i feel about following through. So obvious, I know. I do feel stupid about it. I guess the things we learned from our parents can't just be brushed off before we have kids, they have to be 'unlearned' as we go. At least that is the case for me. Still there is this expectation in my family to handle situations a certain way, but I am learning to stand up for myself and my kids and just do it the way I know in my heart is right.

Another thing I wanted to write about is my recent purchases at the health food store. I am way past looking for a miracle 'cure', but I think there are lots of good things out there to enhance our lives and health. I really wanted to get a "green" supplement with plant extracts, chlorella, spirulina, that sort of thing.. After researching and looking at all my options and working portions for price out on my calculator, I decide to go with a 'Greens' product. So far I really like it. I usually have it in the morning after breakfast in water, but I find sometimes I actually crave it later in the day even though it's not that tasty. For $'s sake I am only going to take it once a day and also I don't think there's really any benefit in overloading in that stuff. I am also eating more green veggies and even bought some salad for myself... I'm not a huge fan, but I'm trying to eat more of it.

The other thing I bought, which I am actually really excited about for culinary reasons is 'Chia Goodness' - it's a copycat of the "holy crap" cereal. All it is is chia seeds and buckwheat and while that sounds bland and boring, it is amazing! I had mine with plain unsweetened almond milk. You mix 2 tbsp cereal with 4 tbsp liquid and it thickens as chia seeds are gelatinous. They pretty much turn into a tapioca kind of texture, and the buckwheat has a decadent crunch to it. I also added just a splash of pure vanilla extract. And you can also sprinkle it on other stuff, yogurt, salad etc. anything! But what I'm really excited about is something I saw on pinterest and that is chia pudding. I am going to try chocolate pudding soon :). Chia Goodness has something like 6g protein and 5g fibre. I think I'm going to buy a package of it for my father in law. This stuff is right up his ally. :)

I took notice of chia seeds in a movie on Netflix called 'Hungry for Change'. I've heard about chia as food, just like I've heard about millet and hemp seeds (which I also like). Everyone knows all kinds of seeds are good for you, but chia (supposedly) helps toxins exit the body because of it's gelatinous nature. I had really bad heart burn ever since Germany and so I thought it can't hurt... of course I know heart burn is not caused by toxins, and toxins are sort of a mythical thing to most of us, but it can't hurt either way. I do recommend the movie. It might not make you go run out for chia seeds but it really makes you look more closely at the things you put in your body. The documentary is regular people who've done some research and have changed themselves and are now trying to help change other's lives, weight and body. This means it's not necessarily medically accurate, even I picked up on a few things, but for the average person it's a good starting point to get them to be more conscious about their food.

Words to live by

A few lovely blurbs I have come across recently to meditate over and learn from. 

Sometimes we get so lost in our relationships which complicate our notion of love and blind us to what love really is. Is this the secret of enlightenment? To know pure and uncomplicated love?

Every person, every relationship no matter how unimportant it may seem is a lesson to teach us about humanity and thus about ourselves and about love. 

One cannot find happiness, happiness is in the journey.

One must learn to find happiness in EVERYTHING. 

Source: weheartit.com via Rita on Pinterest

2013

It's the new year and I am full of optimism. If you're wondering why I'm in hyper-blog mode, this is me revving my engines to get the job done. When you don't hear from me for a week, that's when you have to be worried about the quality of my progress endeavors (Please feel free to give me a kick in the butt if this is the case). I think I need to stop looking for progress because that creates not only the wrong kind of idea about the end-all of what this blog and these changes are all about, but also a sense of urgency and pressure to get some kind of result other then health and wellness. Of course I want to lose weight, but really that is one part to this equation for me now. A younger more vain and more self-conscious me would look at numbers and obsess, while this me - nearing 29 (which everyone knows is the final age of a woman :P), is more concerned with wellness (the general feeling of well-being) in the mental and physical sense. This is why you will read about everything in here, not just about numbers, but about how I am managing my life, family, time and home (keeping it clean and tidy in particular).

It is funny how the things that are impressed upon us when we are younger stay with us. When I was a child my Mom would look at my room and instead of showing me how to keep it clean I was told I would never find a man who loves me and I'll never know how to run a household when I grow up because my room was always a mess. I was told the same thing about the scrapes on my knees, seems to have been the go-to threat for my future. Look here, I caught one of the best fish in the sea :D. Anyways, point being since my daughter is just like me in that she is super sensitive, extremely stubborn and independent, I constantly have to work on making sure I impress the right things on her. The fact that she's always been of the rowdy sort... just like her mother @-@, means there has been a lot of scolding in her young years. She is finally getting to an age where she understands how things are in the world and we can reason with her. I have been working hard on keeping my cool with her and working things out diplomatically as opposed to how things were handled when I was a child. We are making great progress (yes in this case we are progressing ie improving) and here is why: I have created some new 'tools' to help me make the most of our days.

1. TV money. I've mentioned this before. Juliana gets 6  ten-minute cards to buy TV time and Jacob gets 3. So far every day we've had money left over. :) It's always been important to me that my kids not watch too much TV, but being so busy with my own things and chores it was often easier to let them watch TV. TV money is also great leverage and I can take it away if they are misbehaving. Not only are they learning about money, time management and discipline, but they are also sharing TV time, one volunteering to give some of theirs so the other can finish a show. Of course they watch together, but each gets to choose how to use their money. Thank you so much for this great tip Shenia.

2. Compfy Chair. This is something we've picked up from the parent-teacher interview at school. The teacher has designated one or two chair for time-outs and made it special by putting a cushion and stickers on it. We have a chair in the hallway to the kitchen now for this purpose. I use it only as a last resort and work with TV money first, but of course there are situations where it's straight to the room.

3. Hand washing chart. I've recently realized that because my kids almost always go to the bathroom by themselves, they have forgotten to wash hands. So I made a chart. Wash to get a sticker. Get 5 stickers and you get a small piece of chocolate (I just bought a Christmas calendar on sale - 10 cal each piece and they average about 1 - 2 per day). Jacob is having a bit of a hard time with the concept of waiting and collecting points, but Juliana has embraced it.

4. Distraction and Tasks. This one is a regular parenting tool, but it does take effort and time, which I admit I have not always put in. 2013 is as much about making things better for my family as taking care of myself. Juliana and especially Jacob are getting more independant and I can just tell them go get the paint box and they will set up their own little plates with paint and get paper to keep busy. I don't have to stand there anymore, I can be cooking or throwing in a load of laundry or cleaning...at least in other areas.

My most imporant tool to keep all this working smoothly is my Flylady timer! I am soooo happy I have that thing! 10 minutes of TV, it beeps and I pause it (the wii remote even works upstairs). 2 mintues on the compfy chair or more depending on weather the kid is staying on the chair. And sometimes I have to tell them you have .... minutes to clean up or else you can't have .....


This brings me to my next big thing for 2013.
Keeping my house in order. It is time I harness some of that young energy to help me around the house. Mike has done  a great job getting them to help clean up when he vacuums. So I know they can. They can put most of their own laundry away and Juliana loves folding. I have them clean up the table and put away their plates most of the time so I can wash-up right away. All in all, I just have to do what needs to get done when it needs to get done. I let things get out of hand and that also has to do with the kids, because I let them get away with making a mess and not having them clean it up right away or in due time.

And last but not least, time for me. The reason my home gets messy is that I don't use my time wisely. Playing games on Facebook (I'm even ashamed that I did that) is huge in eating time. I used to play games and then I stopped and somehow I got pulled back in. Doesn't help the kids love watching me play. But last week I deleted and blocked all the games! No more of that. Facebook is not that bad itself, because it's rate of change is limited to people's activities. You check, you see what's going on, it's done. Like email as far as I'm concerned, but another thing that eats time is Pinterest. Most men will tell you they don't see the point collecting ideas and images that you'll never do anything with, things you may never achieve or cook or make. So, I one of my resolutions and this is as much me time as anything else is to make one thing from Pinterest a week. A craft of cook a meal or something. Perhaps I should just get rid of it, but I really like the idea of it and so it makes sense to actually use it to carve out some me time doing creative things instead of being online.
The final time eaters are sparkpeople and this blog, but the time I spend here is worth it to make positive change. Why spend all this time writing this stuff down? It's a way or record keeping as well as sharing. Writing this down by hand into a journal would take more time and I would be on my own with it all. This way I have the encouragement of my friends and loved ones, which I so much appreciate. I realize those are all negatives that I want to eliminate or cut back on. I will dedicate a future blog to all the things I WANT to do instead as a family and for me.


It feels so good to write all this down. In the past, focusing mostly on eating and exercise, I felt like I was neglecting the rest of my life, the chaos of which in turn sabotaged my efforts to better my health. It is impossible to prepare healthy meals when you can't see the sink. And it is impossible to feel well when you are constantly fighting with your kids because you don't take the time and make the proper effort to keep them busy and make them feel appreciated and important. It's impossible to keep your relationships harmonious when you're sending so much of your time on the internet or doing other me-things that aren't really contributing to your own well-being. And all those things cause tension in my most important relationship, which I have to say, despite all that is amazing. I'm such a lucky girl.